In good old days, there was a well near the village Church. With water scarcity in eh village, the villagers came to the church well to draw water.
One day the old man, the Caretaker of the church property saw a group of children waste water from the storage tank near the well. What was the method used by the old man to control the children? He sang a song for them:‘Children, children, listen, listen,Waste no water, waste no water,There is a ghost in the church well,If you spill water, he will carry you to hell!Those were the good old days. The children of the modern materialistic civilization, of the Internet era, the 500 TV Channel generations, the past progeny of the divorced parents, are too difficult to handle or educate.
They hardly have respect for their parents or any other elder member of the family. For the parents, it is like waking on the razor’s edge. Fight with the double edged sword. Beating to control them was he alternative once upon a time. But it is no more morally acceptable, and legally viable. It is the dream of every parent to provide ideal conditions for the children and make them individuals of character. But to beat the children as a matter of habit is no proper syllabus. Such a course can cause serious mental and psychological problems in the kid.
It can cause secret mind problems. The child will find it difficult to relate to the parents in the normal way. Until the recent past, spanking was common to deal with the errant child. But its excessive use causes deep emotional imbalances. The children feel insecure and develop the tendency to be aggressive.
Another important issue not taken into account by most of the researches and social scientists is that spanking is twice-cursed. One who did spanking is not likely to enjoy it much either!The arguments for and against spanking: There could be a miniscle minority of parents who do spanking for the sheer pleasure. Hitting has an immediate effect on children and it also provides future guidelines to it about the to-be-done and not-to-be-done actions. Hyperactive children are difficult to deal and spanking seems to be the only solution to control them.It is a fallacy to discuss the issue of spanking and child abuse in isolation. This has to be considered in relation to the overall social conditions today. Before, engaging into a serious discussion on the issue, it is enlightening to go through Mother Shipton’s prophecy on the society:“Then love shall die and marriage cease,And nations wane as births decrease.
The wives shall fondle cats and dogsAnd men live much the same as hogs” (Mother Shipton…)Some decades ago, spanking was a private family matter. Now it is a social issue; a political issue; a global issue and therefore a UNO issue!Wasn’t abuse of parents by their adolescent children prevalent in the society since time immemorial? Human history provides us with many examples. For a detailed discussion on the subject we need to put some questions to ourselves to find out the appropriate answer. What is child abuse? How widespread is the child abuse? Who is the abuser? How is the family affected? Why is the abuse happening rather what are its root cause? Just as child abuse is a reality, parent abuse by children is also a reality. It is not correct for the children to act in the manner they do, and it’s not something that the parents have to put up with. Parents did not use the rod, indulged in excess cuddling and cooing with the children, and in what a nice manner the children pay their debt of gratitude!“Children are not adults. They are dependent, vulnerable persons, requiring protection and leadership.
The relationship between parents and children is not equal: it is a protective, unequal relationship of an adult with a dependent child. The relative balance between dependence and independence is not static and changes with the age of the child, but essentially equality is not achieved until adulthood. In a positive parent-child relationship, the parent has accountability and responsibility to provide reasonable authority over the child. The relationship is dysfunctional when the reverse is true, and carries with it the potential for abuse.”(Conttrell…..)Motivated punishment, when parent use threat and excessive violence, becomes abuse.
Occasional conflict is not abuse. It is the duty of the parents to keep the children on the right tracks, as per the light they see. Parents may commit unintentional mistakes. You can not immediately put them in the abusive bracket. Because the children, when they grow up are bound to ask a question to their parents,” Why didn’t you control us well in time? Your negligence has brought us to this sad pass and situation today!”In any case, abuses of the children should never be tolerated.
Even though you may not use the rod, it should be kept in a conspicuous corner of the room so that it is available immediately, when necessary. The rays of discipline emitting from it, should do the trick.Spanking results in psychological damage to the children—agreed! Well said! But what about the psychological damage caused to them by abuse of drugs or alcohol? Such children exhibit a frightening lack of emotion, and if not checked with the benevolent slapping by the parents, policemen will do that job, when your son/daughter land in the lockup.Index of Federal Child Welfare Laws:The number of enactments passed by the U.S. Congress, since 1974 their sheer number goes to prove how such enactments are ineffective in tackling the real issue. The net results of some such enactments have vitiated the family/social atmosphere beyond redemption.
Some of the enactments are P.L. 109-288—Child and Family Services Act of 2006, P.L. 109-248—Adam Walsh Child Protection and Safety Act of 2006,P.
L. 108-36—Keeping Children and Families Safe Act of 2003,Extends and amends the Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act; the Adoption Opportunities Act; the Abandoned Infants Assistance Act; and the Family Violence Prevention and Services Act, PL 108-21 — PROTECT Act (Prosecutorial Remedies and Other Tools to End the Exploitation of Children Today Act of 2003,PL 106-314 — Strengthening Abuse and Neglect Courts Act of 2000,PL 106-177 — Child Abuse Prevention and Enforcement Act, PL 104-235 — Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act Amendments of 1996,PL 95-266 — Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment and Adoption Reform Act of 1978,PL 93-247 — Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (up dated March 26, 2007)(Index…..
) Does the above galaxy of the laws, have bettered the conditions of parents or children? Have they provided a real platform to stop child abuse? The answer is surely in the negative. The parents accounts of suffer at the hands of part of their own flesh and blood are graphic and frightening. Psychological abuse, emotional terrorism, intimidating and making the parent fearful, playing malicious mind games, making unrealistic demands with the parents, running away from the home and staying out for some days, degrading the parent and other family members, creating humiliating conditions, laughing without reason, swearing at them, irritating argumentation, challenging etc. “The rule that has come to dominate today’s theories of child rearing is that parents must be lenient.”(Price, 1996: 18)”My parents always tell me that I have to finish all my math homework or I won’t be allowed to watch TV,” said study participant and abuse victim “Derek,” 10, who told researchers that some of his earliest memories were of this kind of mistreatment. “They’re so mean.
I hate them.””I hate them, I hate them, I hate them,” he added. (Majority….)Now, is this child abuse?Conclusion:There is the never ending talk of giving equal rights to children. The elasticity of the concept of child abuse is stretched too much. All the Acts of US put together will not bring the so called child abuse to a halt. The change has to be achieved within-both by the parents and the children. That which was given to you, without your choice, must be due to diving grace.
His will! Children! So are your parents. Parents! So are your children!This relationship can not be weighed in the scale of payment and repayment. It is impossible to repay the debt the children owe to the parents. The mother takes care of your tiny self for nine months before God commissions it on this Earth Planet. Mother’s work is equal to that of God. May be even more! God d arrives for the second shift after mother completes her duty in the first shift. Service to parents is more than a debt of gratitude.
Tend and take care of them in their old age. At that stage, they are like your children. Ensure that they are looked after very well.