Variety of Dialectical Tensions

After reading effective relationship development and the variety of dialectical tensions I believe I can relate to all of these in different aspects and stages of my life. Like for autonomy-connection I can relate to this when I first meet people, I am developing a relationship we’ll also keeping my distance and remaining self-dependent. I also found that autonomy-connection in relationships has 5 different types of tensions, including concerns about getting involved and getting to know one’s partner, dating others, trade-offs between the relationship and other activities, fairness and tolerance, and commitment.

Findings highlight the ways in which gradual quantitative changes in romantic connection may come about through a process of cumulative yet qualitatively different dialectic tensions between connection and autonomy. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2010 APA, all rights reserved) I was able to relate to these tensions when I was dating, getting to know each other and trying to figure out when was the right time to tell them this or that about myself. Also did I see myself or him fully committing to the relationship?

Inclusion-seclusion I can often relate to because when I work all day and have to stay over till someone comes into work to relieve me of my duties when I get home I don’t want to be coming home to a room full of friends and family or going out to eat. I just want a hot shower and a place to relax and unwind. Also when I was younger I dated this guy who always had our friends over which was fun but when you spend all day with a group the same group of friends day in and day out it gets tiring so in the evenings I just wanted it to be him and I.

Expressive-privacy when I work with people on a regular basis I am open but I keep my distance but I allow them to see who I really am. And also when I was eight I met my dad and his family for the first time I was open but at the same time I was disclosing I wanted them to see me the great person they been missing out on for all these years but also keeping my distance because it was all very new and uncertain and I wanted to express my fears and myself. Change-predictability I can relate to all the time I like to take a lot of things as they come without putting a lot of thought into it.

I also tend to do a lot of the spur of the moment ideas. Being a nurse you have to be able to work in a forever changing environment and work well under pressure. The adventure is a rush and I love the feeling I get. Once I had kids my spur of the moments became not so spur of the moment and much better planned out because I was now responsible for someone other then myself. Predictable-Novel is the only one I don’t really relate to other then with my kids and husband I can almost always predict their actions or reactions in most situations because I know them all so very well.

Conventional-unique ~ with family traditions and playing a lot of sports I am conventional. I am a very unique individual with my very loud sense of style and I color outside of more lines then staying within them and the colors I use are often bright and bold, why would want to blend in if I can really stand out! Open-close is a part of my relationships with my family and my husband. In my husband’s case it is in the sense that he has a daughter that lives in another state with her mother and we get her every weekend throughout the school year and for weeks at a time in the summer. o when he asks me how I feel about loading five other children up in the car and driving for 3 ? hours to pick her up then 3 ? hours of just drive time back to the city I don’t like to tell him how I really feel because I can’t do it in a way that don’t sound selfish and don’t really want to act like its ok because the kids and I have nothing better to do, so I would rather not disclose my feelings or opinions on the topic at all.

Revealing-concealing this comes to play a few different ways in my life. For the record though I cannot not tell the truth I am very bad at lying as a kid standing before my mom my mouth would lie but my eyes told the truth! I am brutally honest and everyone I know seems to remind me all the time. I don’t like being put in a situation where I feel I have to try and lie for someone so I try to avoid them as much as possible, however a previous employer would always try and take advantage of that fact. er and her husband owned the hotel that I work at as front desk/house keeper and they would always sneak around the stair wells and side rooms trying to overhear any and all conversations going on between other employee’s and if you saw them they would pretend to start doing something till whomever was speaking disengage then they would come and start picking at you like you are their pray. They would say “what you talk to her about? Did she say anything about anyone? and if you said “oh no just talking about the snow” to avoid telling them what was being discussed they would often say “well I am your boss and I demand to know what was said word for word! ” Well I am a poor liar so I just bluntly said if it’s something you needed to know I would tell you, but you have no rights boss or no boss to the information being exchanged between to employees. But what I was concealing what we had really been talking about. to support my paper I used the following sources: (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2010 APA, all rights reserved)

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